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      <UL>
        <LI><A=20
        =
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        Life After Islam</A> </LI></UL>
      <P><A id=3Dbefore name=3Dbefore>I was born in Denmark and was =
raised Christian=20
      in Jordan all my life (<A title=3D"The History of Qewar, Kawar =
Family"=20
      href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/me_english.html">Learn =
More</A>),=20
      my father was a pastor of 4 churches, my mother is one of the =
strongest=20
      Christian woman leaders in the Jordanian society. I was a youth =
leader in=20
      the church and I was a supervisor in the church community for the=20
      Christian theology and I know a lot about it but never narrowed my =
mind=20
      and put that dark sheet on my eyes, I was seeking because I never =
found my=20
      peace till I became a Muslim. And it took me a long process to be=20
      convinced in Islam. <BR><BR>It started since I was a kid, I hated =
Islam,=20
      when I was in the 10th grade, I saw one day a girl is praying, I =
kicked=20
      her and pushed her while she was kneeling down (sajedah), I have =
fought=20
      with girls in high school and I wanted to show them how educated I =
am, so=20
      I used to bring the Bible with me all the time and read in loud, =
or write=20
      a verse on the board as (today=E2=80=99s tip). When it=E2=80=99s =
Ramadan, I used to eat in=20
      front of the girls while fasting (I ask Allah to forgive me and =
give me=20
      Mercy), I was a serious trouble maker. <BR><BR>In the eleventh =
grade, I=20
      remember one day we had an Islamic class in Zarqa High School, and =
I=20
      wanted to stay and listen to the teacher, they said that the Bible =
is=20
      Muharraf (interpreted and altered) I started to become mad and I =
explained=20
      to them that the Bible has been written as 4 different books in =
the same=20
      time different places from 4 different people (Mathew, Mark, Luke =
and=20
      John), so one of the girls said: =E2=80=9CSo you=E2=80=99re saying =
that the evil spirit=20
      have written the books!=E2=80=9D I got really angry and I left the =
class and I=20
      didn=E2=80=99t want to talk to any of the girls.<BR><BR>The girls =
in the class=20
      were wondering about me and they wanted to know what=E2=80=99s my =
deal, so they=20
      came and started asking me questions about my religion and I was =
answering=20
      them and showing them in the Bible and give them proofs to =
convince them=20
      about Christianity, until one day, the teacher called me and asked =
me to=20
      stop talking about my religion because it=E2=80=99s illegal, I =
told her that I=20
      have nothing to do with it, she said: =E2=80=9CI have a recorded =
tape of your=20
      voice talking to the girls about it=E2=80=9D that made me really =
mad, and I=20
      started to have not only hate but anger and I wanted to bring all =
the=20
      Muslims to Christianity, I even invited my Muslim friends to the =
church=20
      many times to convert them to Christianity. <BR><BR>After I =
graduated from=20
      the high school, I went to study in Mu=E2=80=99ta University, year =
1999, but I=20
      haven=E2=80=99t finished the whole year and I went out =E2=80=93 =
by Allah will =E2=80=93 and I=20
      knew that the approval of the immigration to the Unites States of =
America=20
      is coming soon. <BR><BR>Yes, I immigrated to TX, USA year 2002, =
trying to=20
      start from the scratch, I was going to the Arabic Dallas Baptist =
Church,=20
      and my uncle is the pastor of this church. I didn=E2=80=99t like =
living there so=20
      my family contacted a certain Christian family for me to go to =
Arizona and=20
      try to build myself, but once I couldn=E2=80=99t find a financial =
support, the=20
      family asked me to go back to Texas and stay with my family. So I =
went=20
      back home and my parents with my little brothers went back to =
Jordan in=20
      order for my father to continue his ministry in the churches, but =
I stayed=20
      with my brother and my sister and I am the oldest. I found a job =
and I=20
      started to study in the college. I kept myself going to the =
church, doing=20
      some activities, even sending some programs to the church in =
Jordan and=20
      help them out with the Bible studies for the Sunday Schools. =
<BR><BR>In=20
      December 2003 my father died =E2=80=93 diagnosed by the Cancer, =
but that didn=E2=80=99t=20
      stop me from keeping myself going in life. <BR><BR>I tell you that =
I came=20
      to USA to make some Christian ministries .. and my aim was to =
reach the=20
      Arab Muslim and bring them to Christianity since the USA is a free =
country=20
      and you have the right of thoughts and talk<BR><BR><A id=3Dsearch=20
      name=3Dsearch>So .. I met some friends in the college and we =
started to talk=20
      about Islam .. And I know the Bible from the beginning to the end, =
I was=20
      arguing hard trying to convince them about =
Christianity.<BR><BR>Until they=20
      brought me the guy Mostafa Belhour - who is my husband now - to =
debate ..=20
      And it started to be like a race with him since he has great =
knowledge=20
      about Quran and Sunnah .. And I didn't like him at all. Most of =
the time,=20
      we were adding gas to the fire and sometimes we reach to dead =
ends, he was=20
      a real good speaker .. And I am the stubborn. I finally got tired =
and=20
      exhausted.<BR><BR>Anyway .. My mom was coming on Sep 2005 and I =
thought=20
      it's a good excuse to get away from the debate because it started =
to make=20
      me so agitated .. <BR><BR>For me it would be really insulting if I =
loose=20
      the debate .. So I told my friends .. I need to go!! but that guy =
called=20
      me by my name and said: "I need a proof" I asked: what are you =
talking=20
      about? He said: "search the whole Bible .. You will never find one =
verse=20
      that Jesus says about himself that he's God .. He never said(I am =
God)" ..=20
      I found that it's my opportunity to tell him about Christianity =
and bring=20
      him to Jesus (who I believed that he's the savior and the son of =
God)=20
      <BR><BR>I asked with a sarcastic method: "what are you talking =
about.. Of=20
      course there is tens of verses say that Jesus is God" .. He said: =
"show me=20
      the proof" I went home and that question stuck in my mind. =
<BR><BR>I=20
      opened the Bible and started to search, then I went to some =
internet=20
      resources, then to some books.<BR><BR>Then I asked my mom and I =
went with=20
      her through a discussion .. she said: "well there is no specific =
verse=20
      laterally saying that Jesus said about himself he's God, but he =
said;=20
      (whoever saw me saw the father)" I said: "but the father and the =
son are=20
      not the same" she said: "but you know that they have the same =
level in=20
      power as they are a part of the Trinity (The Father, the Son and =
the Holy=20
      Spirit)"<BR><BR>So the 1st one has no proof .. Now let's go to the =
second=20
      one: Jesus is the son! <BR><BR>I started to search more .. I found =
that=20
      it's written in the Gospel - in the Bible - called "John" this =
Equation:=20
      "in the beginning, the word was with God ..." ok?? So the word is =
Jesus=20
      who is created from the beginning and he was WITH God .. =
<BR><BR>Then the=20
      same verse says: "and the word was God" John 1:1 so hold on!!! God =
=3D=20
      (equals) Jesus and God WITH Jesus<BR><BR>ohuh .. Wrong =
mathematical=20
      statement .. How the heck would Jesus be God and with God at the =
same=20
      time? This is not something can make any kind of sense<BR><BR>So I =
left=20
      that verse for a minute and went to another one .. To the 1st =
letter of=20
      john chapter 5 and verse 7 says: " 7For there are three that bear =
record=20
      (witness) in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and =
these=20
      three ARE ONE. " I said yeay .. Here is the proof, The =
Father=3DThe Son=3DThe=20
      Holy Ghost (Spirit)<BR><BR>Then the next verse 8 says: " 8And =
there are=20
      three that bear witness in earth, the Spirit, and the water, and =
the=20
      blood: and these three agree IN ONE." The Spirit (Holy Spirit), =
The Water=20
      (The Father) and the Blood (The Son). How would it be 3=3D1 and =
3IN1 at the=20
      same time .. It=E2=80=99s just completely different meaning. =
<BR><BR>3=3D1 means=20
      they are all in the same level, the same power, the same content =
(i.e. The=20
      water has 3 different mentalities liquid, solid and gas) and 3in1 =
is like=20
      3 relative people carry the same family name but they are =
completely=20
      different people with different mentalities and personalities. =
<BR><BR>In=20
      addition, if I believe that God is 3, then why would I have one =
creation?=20
      For example if I get 3 artists to draw a tree for me, each one =
will have=20
      his own style and way of drawing that tree according to his way of =

      thinking, and if the 3 in one God are creating the creature, then =
each one=20
      of them will create it in a different way, even if they have the =
same aim,=20
      but they would create it in their own way! <BR><BR>Anywho! I said =
there=20
      are some conflicts in this Bible, where did I get this book from?? =
I know=20
      that Jesus called himself the son of God because he's Jewish and =
it's not=20
      something new that the Jewish call themselves the "children of =
God" and=20
      they are humans<BR><BR>Jesus was sitting by himself and pray! Who =
was he=20
      praying for? For himself? He was calling God, and the scripture of =
the=20
      Bible show that in different places, for example: =E2=80=9C 25At =
that time Jesus=20
      answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and =
earth,=20
      because thou hast hid these things from the wise and =
prudent=E2=80=9D Mathew 11:25=20
      =E2=80=9C39And going a little farther, He threw Himself upon the =
ground on His=20
      face and prayed saying, My Father, if it is possible, let this cup =
pass=20
      away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will [not what I desire], =
but as=20
      You will and desire.=E2=80=9D Mathew 26:39 =E2=80=9C42Again a =
second time He went away and=20
      prayed, My Father, if this cannot pass by unless I drink it, Your =
will be=20
      done.=E2=80=9D Mathew 26:42 =E2=80=9C23And after He had dismissed =
the multitudes, He went=20
      up into the hills by Himself to pray. When it was evening, He was =
still=20
      there alone.=E2=80=9D Mathew 14:23 =E2=80=9C44So, leaving them =
again, He went away and=20
      prayed for the third time, using the same words.=E2=80=9D Mathew =
26:44 =E2=80=9C35And in=20
      the morning, long before daylight, He got up and went out to a =
deserted=20
      place, and there He prayed=E2=80=9D Mark 1:35 =E2=80=9C46And after =
He had taken leave of=20
      them, He went off into the hills to pray.=E2=80=9D Mark 6:46 =
=E2=80=9C21Now when all the=20
      people were baptized, and when Jesus also had been baptized, and =
[while He=20
      was still] praying, the [visible] heaven was opened=E2=80=9D Luke =
3:21 =E2=80=9C16But He=20
      Himself withdrew [in retirement] to the wilderness (desert) and =
prayed.=E2=80=9D=20
      Luke 5:16 =E2=80=9C12Now in those days it occurred that He went up =
into a mountain=20
      to pray, and spent the whole night in prayer to God.=E2=80=9D Luke =
6:12 <BR><BR>In=20
      additional I had that memory flashed in my mind when I was =
studying the=20
      Christian theology .. A British professor came to our college and =
he was=20
      teaching us the history of the Bible script .. And I remember he =
said=20
      exactly: "well ... I went to the museum in England to see the =
Bible=20
      manuscripts and all what I saw torn, burned lost papers spread =
allover the=20
      place" so what is that in my hand? <BR><BR>And where all those =
words came=20
      from???? <BR><BR>If I am going to worship A PERFECT GOD who is the =

      complete of everything how would I believe in imperfect book???=20
      <BR><BR>This is not right!!! <BR><BR>I started to think .. If one =
day lost=20
      all the holy books in the world .. and we asked people to get a =
new exact=20
      book. There is no body can get an exact book of the Bible because =
we have=20
      too many versions, and they are still discovering new different =
scripts=20
      till now .. But I can find may be a million Muslim can bring me an =

      identical Quran who is kept from the beginning .. Isn=E2=80=99t =
that amazing!!=20
      <BR><BR>Then I went through the theory of crucifying Jesus on the =
cross ..=20
      Did he really die?? <BR><BR>I started to think of the Gospels that =
we have=20
      between our hands is it the real Bible?? The ones who wrote the =
Bibles are=20
      Jewish people who followed Jesus Christ and wrote a biography =
about him ..=20
      They saw him dying on the cross .. Is it necessary to be the same =
person=20
      on the cross??<BR><BR>The verse in Quran says: "shobbeha behi" =
=E2=80=9C157. That=20
      they said (in boast), "We killed Christ Jesus the son of Mary, the =

      Messenger of Allah.";- But they killed him not, nor crucified him, =
but so=20
      it was made to appear to them, and those who differ therein are =
full of=20
      doubts, with no (certain) knowledge, but only conjecture to =
follow, for of=20
      a surety they killed him not:- 158. Nay, Allah raised him up unto =
Himself;=20
      and Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise=E2=80=9D Quran 4:157-158 so =
the people who saw=20
      Jesus is someone who looks exactly like Jesus .. <BR><BR>So what =
we have=20
      in our hands is only a biography of Jesus 75% or more of it is=20
      altered<BR><BR>And now I got the result in my hands: Jesus is not =
God, not=20
      even the Son of God .. I got scared and I started to panic, =
<BR><BR>All=20
      those years ... 24 years in my life that I was studying is only a=20
      theory<BR><BR>24 years worshipping the wrong God<BR><BR>24 years =
went as a=20
      lie!!! <BR><BR>I wanted to kill myself and I felt that the ground =
that I=20
      am standing on is just shaking and I felt so scared<BR><BR>I =
wanted to go=20
      back from the beginning and start my search all over again to =
prove the=20
      opposite .. I went so quiet .. Don=E2=80=99t know what next!! I am =
destroying my=20
      life .. <BR><BR>I started to think .. I believe in Jesus now that =
he's=20
      only a human and he's a prophet from God and I believe in all the =
prophets=20
      .. I have one problem with Mohammad (Peace be upon Him)<BR><BR>I =
never=20
      exposed about his life and all what I know is things that the =
Christian=20
      planted in my mind .. But how the people praise him all the time =
as the=20
      greatest prophet??<BR><BR>I said.. How could be a problem and the =
holy=20
      book Quran came from heaven through him (Peace Be Upon Him) .. He =
must be=20
      really special .. So it's not a problem to believe in one more =
prophet=20
      ..<BR><BR>In addition that I know there is an illegal Gospel =
called=20
      Barnaby that the churches don't believe in it because there is the =
verse=20
      were Jesus talk about the next prophet called Ahmad!!! <BR><BR>I =
left my=20
      room after great meditation and thinking about it and searching .. =
And=20
      called my old friends who didn't see me for 2 months .. <BR><BR>I =
went to=20
      see them at home and I was praying to Allah and crying: "if that's =
the=20
      right way, you change my life .. If it's not so let me die now in =
an=20
      accident before I reach my friends and take me to heaven .. I am =
looking=20
      for the truth and I am calling you to take me to heaven whatever=20
      happens"<BR><BR>So I reached to my friends and I have tears in my =
eye ..=20
      And they thought something happened .. And there were my husband =
(the=20
      debater) .. They were waiting a word from me to tell them what =
happened ..=20
      I said: <BR><BR><A id=3Dwhen name=3Dwhen>=D8=A7=D8=B4=D9=87=D8=AF =
=D8=A3=D9=86 =D9=84=D8=A7 =D8=A7=D9=84=D9=87 =D8=A7=D9=84=D8=A7=D9=91 =
=D8=A7=D9=84=D9=84=D9=87 .. =D9=88=D8=A7=D8=B4=D9=87=D8=AF =D8=A3=D9=86=20
      =D9=85=D8=AD=D9=85=D8=AF =D8=B1=D8=B3=D9=88=D9=84 =
=D8=A7=D9=84=D9=84=D9=87<BR>Ash-hadu Anna La Elaha Illa Allah, Wa =
As-hadu Anna=20
      Mohammad Rasool Allah<BR>I declare that there is no God but only =
One=20
      Allah, and I declare that Mohammad is the prophet of Allah (Peace =
be upon=20
      Him) <BR><BR>For 2 minutes they were quiet with no word =
<BR><BR>They=20
      looked at me and my husband started to laugh like crazy <BR><BR>He =
said:=20
      shut up .. Don=E2=80=99t lie <BR><BR>It was October 3rd I believe =
<BR><BR>I said I=20
      am not lying and I started to cry <BR><BR>He said.. You said the =
other day=20
      that if you say the shahdatein (the Islamic declaration statement) =
with no=20
      believes that won't let you be Muslim!!! Don=E2=80=99t be lying =
<BR><BR>I said: I=20
      am not lying .. Tomorrow is the first day of Ramadan .. You are =
going to=20
      teach me how to pray and make wodoo2 (The washing method) and =
everything=20
      <BR><BR>When he heard me saying that .. He hugged me and started =
to cry=20
      like a baby <BR><BR>And really I learned all that in one night .. =
And I=20
      bought a hijab (vail) and my other girl friend showed me how to =
put it on=20
      and everything <BR><BR>I hide my Islam for two weeks .. =
<BR><BR>During=20
      that time I went to imam and had the shaahdah (announced my Islam) =
and I=20
      was learning from the Quran and trying to make some comparison =
from both=20
      books and it was hard for me at the beginning to leave the Bible =
.. But il=20
      hamdullelah (Thanks Allah) I am over it now <BR><BR>I hid my Islam =
from my=20
      family and I was praying at night 2am or 3 so no body can see me =
doing=20
      anything suspicious .. <BR><BR>One day I was going to school and I =
had my=20
      backpack with me and have my Quran and hijab .. Suddenly my hijab =
fell=20
      down from the bag on the stairs at home and my sis was behind me, =
she saw=20
      it but didn't know what is it till night when she woke up and saw =
me=20
      praying, so she told my family members .. And here comes the =
trouble=20
      <BR><BR>They yelled at me, insulted me, called me words and used =
the fraud=20
      language. They hit me to death and threatened me and I was calm, =
but=20
      leaved the house praying that Allah lead them to Islam. <BR><BR>I =
lived=20
      about 2 months with my girl friend .. Until my husband Mostafa and =
I got=20
      married il hamdulellah (Thanks to Allah) .. I lost my family but I =
gained=20
      a new Muslim family at the mosque who took care of me and really =
helped me=20
      .. <BR><BR><A id=3Dafter name=3Dafter>I went through a lot of =
depression=20
      aftermath because of that beating .. Till now I still receive at =
least 25=20
      phone calls and emails =E2=80=93 daily - from all over the world =
insulting me and=20
      threatening me and all that <BR><BR>Other than the phone calls =
that I=20
      receive .. I even have debates with the biggest Christian =
Professors (in=20
      the Christian Theology) from Jordan and the USA on the phone .. =
debating=20
      about religions and trying to bring me back to Christianity.=20
      <BR><BR>subhan Allah (The praises are for Allah) ... I used to =
hold the=20
      Bible in my hand and they have the Quran .. now the table has been =
turned=20
      around! <BR><BR>However I learned a lot from this very short time =
.. I=20
      learned something called patience and humbling .. and I meditate =
now and=20
      think of the stories of the prophet Mohammad (Peace be upon him) =
who was=20
      insulted and how did he take all that .. my story is nothing to =
him and=20
      wow .. I learn a lot.. <BR><BR>I probably lost my sharaf (The =
Noble honor=20
      of the family) and honor in front of some people but I am so proud =
and I=20
      have the sharaf coming from Allah .. and amazing! You =
can=E2=80=99t imagine what=20
      kind of happiness and peace that I am living in even all that =
insulting ..=20
      <BR><BR>I really changed than before .. I am a completely =
different person=20
      .. even my husband noticed that. I learned how to be quiet and =
patient=20
      with people even to the ones who insult me all the time .. I =
learned how=20
      to smile in the worst and hardest times .. even if lost my jobs .. =
but=20
      Allah is compensating me with everything <BR><BR>it's all about to =
have=20
      the intern peace inside you .. you really can't find peace from =
people=20
      around you, not even by your environment .. it has to be by your=20
      convention and by your mind .. by loving Allah and giving him your =
heart.=20
      If you worship Allah and follow his orders, you are certainly =
going to be=20
      happy because the sins make you feel guilty and they take your =
peace away=20
      <BR><BR>I look at the people faces and see their tears, sadness; =
because=20
      they are away from the Creator.. sometimes I see their hearts are =
dark and=20
      they can't let that candle burn in them because they are so much =
caught=20
      with their problems and busyness in life. <BR><BR>All what I know =
now, my=20
      aim in this life is to worship and pray for Allah and follow his =
orders=20
      and rules, and make good works for His Sake. <BR><BR>I hope you =
enjoyed my=20
      story and be strength for your soul </P></DIV>
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  <TR>
    <TD class=3Dfooter>| <A title=3D"From the Churches to the Mosques"=20
      href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/index.html">Home</A> | =
<A=20
      title=3D"The History of the Family"=20
      href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/me_english.html">Who Am =
I?</A> |=20
      <A title=3D"How Did I become Muslim"=20
      href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/story_english.html">My =
Story of=20
      Islam</A> | <A title=3D"Reasons of Making Ruba a Muslim"=20
      =
href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/reasons_english.html">Reasons =
of=20
      Islam</A> | <A title=3D"Tips for the Muslims"=20
      href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/muslims_english.html">To =
the=20
      Muslims</A> | <A title=3D"Invitation for non-muslims"=20
      =
href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/nonmuslims_english.html">To=20
      Non-Muslims</A> |<A title=3D"Debates with Christians"=20
      href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/debates_english.html"> =
Debates</A>=20
      | <A title=3D"Zad Ala Al-Tariq Magazine"=20
      href=3D"http://dallasmuslimwomen.faithweb.com/" =
rel=3Dexternal>Magazine</A> |=20
      <A title=3D"Culture of Islam"=20
      =
href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/cultures_english.html">Cultures=
</A>=20
      | <A title=3D"Politics and Humanity"=20
      =
href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/subjects_english.html">Subjects=
</A>=20
      | <A title=3D"Islamic Links"=20
      href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/links.html">Links</A> | =
<A=20
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      href=3D"http://www.creativeruba.com/islam/media.html">Media</A> | =
<A=20
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Me</A> |=20
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